ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people.Real intimacy is created in everyday communication, in the nitty-gritty of sharing a life together and in the hard work of resolving conflicts and accepting the other person as different to you. We are introducing a new unique feature live chat rooms, Chat786. There is no registration needed it's completely free. If you would like to prefer online chat or one-on-one random live chat with strangers, please head to our Chat Rooms. Adult and teenage users of any race, gender and way or sex area unit welcome to participate.To move forward, it is important that you continue to talk to your husband and try to understand the extent of his difficulties and what the underlying issues are for him.At the heart of the problem of online “infidelity” is the fact that it is usually done in secret and without the partner’s knowledge – even with infrequent access this secrecy can reduce the intimacy between the couple and can be a first step on the road to bigger betrayals.
You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.
Moving forward In the aftermath of discovering your husband’s online world, it is perfectly understandable that you might feel disgusted and betrayed and to worry as to how much you can trust your husband.
You might benefit from going to counselling especially if you feel traumatised and need to the help of an impartial listener to process some of the feelings.
When they denied “John” access, he sent a follow-up message calling one of the girls in the clan a “b*tch”. This is when our kids brought the game to us and told us about the chat room. Our daughter is twelve, and her brother is ten, and they have no idea how social media and online dialog can cause so much damage and embarrassment.
(I do, however, because I see people act like idiots on Facebook and Twitter all the time, saying things that they’d never say to another human being …things that they can’t get back.)But even beyond the damage and embarrassment factor, there’s the greater risk of victimization by an online sexual predator.