If your partner says, “I don’t think about my ex,” it really could be true.It would be a terrible violence to give someone’s past sins power over them that they didn’t previously have.When you measure your lovability by trying to quantify your sexuality, you diminish your humanity.What scares you is that you will come up short in your manhood or womanhood in marriage — that you will always be living in the shadow of your partner’s ex-partners — that your shortcomings and deficiencies will loom over you in the form of inexperience.A documentary about 13-year-old Deborah Drapper, who, unlike other British teens has never heard of Britney Spears or Victoria Beckham.She has been brought up in a deeply Christian family and her parents have tried to make sure she and her ten brothers and sisters have grown up protected from the sins of the outside world.But the gospel offers real grace for the heart reeling that can happen from finding out about a boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s sexual past.
For some reason, the modern sitcom seems to be the only venue that openly addresses the dark awkwardness of a dating partner’s sexual past.“The fear of man lays a snare” (Proverbs ): the trap is . Bringing your partner’s sexual past up repeatedly will destroy your relationship quickly: “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends” (Proverbs 17:9).Obsessions with your partner’s past likely signals that you have some work to do. Make your close, trusted, selective friend group the place to think openly in confidence, and make your relationship the place where you speak intentionally and thoughtfully.Yes, the person with the past, if their sexual activity is recent, needs time to heal before they enter into another romantic relationship.There’s not a magic number of weeks or months to wait before dating someone else after having sex. “Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way” (Proverbs 19:2).